fake-pretend relocation

I've had it. I'm moving to Bollywood. I know I've talked about this before, but this time I'm serious. After my seminar is over this summer, I'm going to find the magic door that goes through into bizarro India, where everything works like the movies, and I'm not coming back. I'm tired of real life and its dramas, its hurting people, its confusion, its messes. I'm going to spend my days fixing up my hill station bungalow, playing cricket with the neighborhood kids, helping out at the local museum, sitting on the porch with a cup of tea, chatting with the neighbors. And my nights - "our" nights, I should say, as Akshaye will be there - at the nightclub, dancing away and occasionally cheering on the local boy who has suddenly morphed into a phenomenally good dancer.

Oh, it won't be perfect. I may cry, but my tears will actually make me feel better. I may have to run through the jungle in my pajamas with a flashlight, but I'll find what I'm looking for (or at the very least an elephant, which will do in a pinch). Akshaye may leave from time to time, off on a noble hero-type mission involving his favorite professor or a stranded journalist or something, because that's the kind of guy he is, but he'll always come back, dusty and worn and even more full of love for our little world. There will be problems. But they will be solved by trying to do the right thing, and they'll be over within four hours.

Aside: not really. Real life has too many precious things among all the messes, and there's so much to learn from it all, and I wouldn't give them up for anything. But I'm exhausted, and it seems my corner of the world is getting hit hard lately, and I don't know how to handle one more sad friend, one more injured person, one more draining situation. But if they come up, I will handle them, because that's what real people do. Unless they come up in July, in which case, screw you guys, I'm going to India.

Second aside: I don't think I've ever seen a museum in a Bollywood film. Which is probably because Bollyhoo's movie hasn't been made yet.


Keith said…
They don't let you sing and dance up and down the exhibits at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. Believe me, I've tried.

I've always thought that countries like India don't really need museums, because they still have all their grand old stuff just lying around. The whole country is a living museum. Plus, the British took everything home with them anyway and put it in their museum. Maybe there should be a big museum in Mumbai full of artifacts from the British Isles.
Keith, if you start with that line of thought, I'm out of a job. Under your hat, good sir!

I sing and dance in my own museum regularly. As the security footage will attest. I used to stop immediately as soon as I remembered there were cameras, but I gave up on that. There's only so much time I'm willing to devote to cringing.

And yes, there should. The National Museum of We're Taking Your Stuff - Our Country Is Twenty Times Bigger Than Yours So Just Try and Stop Us.
illusory motion said…
Keith is right. All we have is artifacts with glass pieces in them cause the real stuff is in the Tower of London as part of the queens collection, including the Kohinoor diamond.
and museums here for some reason have a really musty, damp feel to them, stuck under years of oppression from bureaucracy and red tape.
As for museum appearances. - Rani takes Saif to one during their stopover in Amsterdam in the film "Hum tum". I'm sure there are lots more. I'm not that much of a Bollywood trivia person. Gossip is more my field.
Azuregoddess - good catch on Hum Tum! I remember that now. We don't actually see them in the museum, though (at least not on my DVD, although I'm sure I have a non-official version, so who knows!).
illusory motion said…
We do see them in the museum. Saif points to a Rembrantesque painting of a semi-nude with a bblical looking dude draping her. what museum, which painter...that you would know. I slept through my Renaissance art history class.
Anonymous said…
Hrithik makes that high jump in Deewane Hai Dekho (K3G) in a museum, doesn't he? British Museum?
bestonline323 said…
im comming with you,
bollywood it is!

See you on the plane,
Relocation Inner Loop

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