This is a movie I wish I had watched with someone so we could giggle together at its ridiculousness. But alas. So I decided to write this post as though you were watching the movie with me, and what follows is a list I made as the movie went on of whatever I thought (it was clear from the get-go that I was not going to be able to remember everything I wanted to point out, so I kept a list). Be warned - I did tend to make liberal and justified use of the FF, so if you've seen this, you will know I didn't watch everything.
"Eh Shahrukh!" Methinks this movie will be worse than Josh.
How to start a relationship off right: she lies to him in order to get a job he wants; after she gets the job, she continues the lie, telling him she can get him a job. When he finally gets a job (better than hers, please note) and finds out the truth, he calls her in the office and yells at her; after she apologizes and says she'll accept any punishment he gives her, he proposes, and she accepts. Her stares at her happily. She stares at him happily and laughs - except the violins are swooping around so much that you can only guess she is laughing based on her moving her shoulders and head forward with her smiling mouth open, the way you would if you were imitating an upper-crust fake laugh. Repeat four more times for a total of ten looks. Kya?!?
Can't trust a single girl on a ferris wheel. No way, no day.
"What does every Indian dream of? Destination Switzerland!"
Fantastic twist on my favorite Bollywood prop staple, the college dance competition sign. Here, the memory of an intercollegiate dance competition spurs people on to fireside antics that end in an affair. Just imagine the signs (and we'll have to, as there aren't any)!
Go Karisma crazy stare! Go! Burst them into flames! Oooh, divorce. That's even better. DIVORCE in big red letters! Aaaaaaaand scene!
Oh, silly woman in the clothing store, you are quite right to wonder why one actor needs so many costumes just for one song. Oh! Ha ha ha! You are making an in-joke about the industry! You are so clever!
"Bombarding on the potty" is a funny phrase.
Oh, it's Shakti Kapoor. I knew I knew him from something(s). And Kader Khan. Sweet.
"I love work!" is an excellent motivational poster. It just needs a breathtaking nature scene above the slogan.
Having a fourth-generation Kapoor work as a secretary to a movie star is also a funny in-joke about the industry. Well done!
Pooja, put down that white purse. It is hideous.
Karisma, this is likely not your fault, but your eyeliner is broader than your eyebrows. Rather the wrong proportion, what say?
Ah, Switzerland. A fuller version of another industry joke. "The dream of every Indian.... We could have gone anywhere in the world, but I believe that Switzerland is very lucky for married couples. It's just great for those in love. From what I'm told, it's a place which give you memories for a lifetime should you spend a few minutes there with your beloved." I'm all for Bollywood making fun of itself, but this isn't working. It's mired in goo.
Oh Akshay. You're dreamy. But you're no Akshaye.
This is at least the third Karisma crazy stare so far.
The manager's name is the same as your ex's? Woah! How unlikely in a country of over a billion people!
Another cool Bollywood prop staple: the picture/portrait of self as home decor, in this case an oversized poster. But he's a movie star, so that's fitting. But it's not a movie poster. It's just a head shot.
Dude. You slept with someone else (and not so that you could fulfill your grandfather's and your unable-to-have-children wife's wishes for a child of your own). You don't get to be sad about her marrying someone. Cheatah cheatah cheatah!
Marigold garlands are quite lovely. I don't have enough sun in my yard to grown any, though. Pity.
No, Abhishek, I'm pretty sure a man getting his wife married to someone else has happened before, perhaps even in a movie. It's not exactly KKHH, but don't play dumb.
Dramatic music with chord changes! What signify this sound and fury?
Four crazy stares. Mwa-ah-ah!
Signatures on paper may not break relationships, but I can see how cheating would. Why doesn't anyone get this?
The marriage so nice, they had it twice? No, that doesn't quite work.
Oh, a baby! That always brings people together in a permanent and loving way.