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Showing posts from May, 2006

Perhaps starring a currently-on-holiday-in-the-states hero?

Graciously forwarded to to me by SiDate: Tue, 30 May 2006 16:00:27 +0000
Subject: [stationtheatre] Be a Bollywood Actor!

Hey all-
Mongoose Productions is currently working on several Bollywood style short films being shot in and around Champaign Urbana. June 11th we'll be filming a big dance finale on the quad and are looking for dancers and extras. The dances will be taught that afternoon and will be simple enough that anyone can do them. It's a hell of a lot of fun. Call for everyone is at 5:00pm, Sunday, June 11 on the south end of the Quad. Give me a call or email if you're interested so we know an approximate count. Bring your friends and family, we're looking for all ages. Dress: casual and comfortable, women in skirts, preferably ones that move well or flow, men please bring a button down shirt and an under or t-shirt. Dinner and copy will be provided. Any wagers on precisely how excited I am?

kabhie gham, kabhi khushi

I got Main Madhuri Dixit Banna Chahti Hoon! from the grocery store last week, and it is with great sadness that I report that it is not subtitled. It also has two watermarks on the screen at all times, one that moves around and one that is smack in the center of the screen. Grrr. But I'm watching it anyway, because it looks cool, and it's good to test my powers and see how much I can figure out.

However, one of the many useful lessons of Bollywood is that there is often something funny or heartwarming just around the corner - and there's little a dance number can't cure. So I'm putting on my Bolly-colored glasses because it's my birthday and I refuse to let a lack of subtitles get me down.

Update to post: look what Babasko made me! Truly superwow! And Akshaye, you are enough all on your own. No trinkets required.

Dumb, dumber, and I'd like to say "dumbest," but there's probably a stupider movie out there somewhere, na? Masti

Wow. I did not like this. I had a really hard time getting past the subtle-as-a-brick-to-the-head innuendoes (at what point is something not even an innuendo anymore?) and homophobic jokes (if you must make those, Bollywood, please do not have them delivered by Shatish Shah, and try to not sink lower in the overkill scale than KHNH [neither of these conditions was met here]). Comparing this to the other "wow, I'm such a stupid man that cheating is fun!" movie I've seen makes No Entry look good.

However, this might almost be worth watching just for Ajay Devgan's hilarious tough cop. I haven't seen enough of his movies to know if he's spoofing anything in specific, but whatever he's doing, it's funny. The man even manages to make gum and blond tips look menacing.

This isn't spectacularly bad. It's not even laughably bad. It just wasn't very engaging to me. So I don't think I'll bother much further with a response, except to say I…

39% of all statistics are fake-pretend

Calling Obi Wan and other Bollyknowledgeable types. A clever commenter to my post last week about Akshaye's desires to meet the right person and settle down asks this very interesting question: "how many good betas in the film industry have gone against clan and religion and married a firangi?"

Please post answers here. All in the name of science, of course, as this clearly has no relevance to my own life.

better than a tootsie pop

How many Kevin Bacon-style steps does it take to get from me to Akshaye Khanna? (Or Aamir or Hrithik?)

Two.

That's right. All this plotting and fretting, all this daydreaming and mooning around, and it was as easy as pie all along. Turns out one of my favorite penfriends has met all of the above gentlemen. My source remains nameless, as this person is completely loveable and fabulous on their own merits, and I will have no one pestering them for party invites and the like. But still. You'd think it would have come up. (And that it didn't is a testament to the source's independent, individual loveliness.)

What's more shocking: that I sat through this idiot movie or that I don't hate Uday? Dhoom

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First let me say I can imagine how this was much more exciting on the big screen than on my tv at home. So I will give it some points for "pure cinema brain candy sugar rush" that my experience of it didn't capture.

Second let me say that, against better judgment, I find myself being not completely annoyed by Uday Chopra. It's not his fault they made him dance with wrenches or glued that bandana to his head (a look pulled off more successfully by Zayed Khan in MHN, of course). What worries me most, though, is that I can remember a time, not too long ago, when I found myself warming to a certain other weird-looking actor against my better judgment - one Shahrukh Khan. So I know great things can come of this feeling. I don't expect this case to be one, but still. I'm startled.

Wait! Where are you going? I'm still the same Beth! Come back!

I am no connoisseuse of action films, and what I don't know about which stunts are and are not possible, or how much …

I'll say this for him - he sure can keep a secret.

Regular readers will know that Akshaye's hope to settle down comes as no surprise. As you can read here, he's a publicity mastermind - our plan is all set up, correlated right here in published print. "Waiting for the right person to come along," say in July, in Mumbai, seemingly from out of nowhere? A mild-mannered educator from nowheresville USA, with no hint of scandal and no ties to the industry, whom he may or may not have encountered on this summer trip to the US? Perfect.

Thanks Michael for the article. Glaubst du ich bin diese Frau?

Aside to new readers: I'm completely kidding. I would never stalk anyone. This is all fake-pretend for the amusement of myself and anyone else who happens to find it funny. If I actually were to spy Akshaye Khanna on the street this summer, I would fall over with surprise without saying a word.

Update to post (May 17, 2006): after reading a few bits and pieces adrift in the Bollyblog universe, apparently I have a competitor for A…

told you I wasn't coming back

To be completely honest, it would take more than even Akshaye Khanna to tempt me away from my job. But this is still a good article about getting a bit part in Bollywood.

anyone who says Devdas is an idiot is a friend of mine: Bluffmaster

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This may be the very finest movie I never knew I was missing until it hip-hopped its way into my heart.

It's fun, it's funny, it's quick, it's interesting, it's got a bit of everything, and it reminds me fo Nine Queens. Love it, love it, love it. Cannot get enough. Great performances. And...well, Abhishek...well, Akshaye seems kinda busy and all...[insert Roy Orbison growl].

things I likedthe dad-like doctor. Very much. While I'll never be accused of being spontaneous or wildly led by my heart, I generally appreciate the "live your life so that you're glad you did so" philosophy. I also like that he emphasized living so that it was memorable and valuable, not necessarily big or splashy. Make your life and your choices meaningful. Right on.
the doctor said his baby daughter was slimy when she was born
Roy said revenge will ruin a person's life.
at intermission time, "interval" appeared in the background as they descended in an elevator

to all the superwow in the house

I know I've said this before, but I'll say it again, because that's the kind of girl I am, and plus I was just reminded of it due to a completely unexpected and delightful phonecall from one of you: I am so happy to have met all the wonderful people I have met here. I am grateful for you. And you're all invited to my birthday party in two weeks - we can have a contest to see who can sing "Happy Birthday" worse than Karisma Kapoor.

guilty favorite picturization: "Good Morning India"

I can't get Khushi's "Good Morning India" out of my head. I have long maintained that if I ever got to go to India, I would learn and perform this song, so I guess I best get to it. Someone can help me rewrite any of the Hindi that needs to have its gender flipped. Anyway, since now I actually get to think in a structured way about being in India - which still amazes me and I can hardly believe it's true! - this song gets stuck in my head often. Such as right now. Here's a verse so we can all sing along together (even though I don't know what the non-English bits say really).

It's 6 A.M. I love you mom
I'll have some corn flakes mujhe milega dum
I'll have a shower and a shave
Listen to music - it's gotta be rave*
Put on my jeans and Provogue shirt
Ladki dhoondoonga with a short short skirt
Mere dil mein phool khil rahe hai
Chaand tare din mein khil rahe hai
Pyaar hone ko hai, dil khone ko hai
Oh, good morning India!

Oh, good morning India!
Oh, see you…

beware of boys

Yesterday I went to see Stick It, the new film brought to you by the makers of Bring It On (spirit fingers, anyone?). Not nearly as quotable, but it did include a bit of Panjabi MC's "Mundiyaan to Bach Ke" - and if there's anywhere I didn't expect to hear filmi music*, it was in a B-grade teen gymnastics movie set in Texas. (No offense to my B-movie-loving friends - and I'm sure Stick It isn't your kind of B anyway.)

* I'm sure it can be argued this isn't filmi music, but I know this song because of listening to film soundtracks, so that's what it is for me. I want no part of music classification debate.

Why yes, my university does have a bhangra team!

On Saturday I went to UIUC Indian Student Association's India Night and it was so incredibly great. Over 200 performers, all students here. Plenty of filmi music, some with dance routines more impressive than whatever accompanied them in their movies. My favorite was a dance-off among four groups: hip-hop, bhangra, filmi, and daandiya raas (that's the one in which pairs of people clack the sticks together, right?). Each team came out and did its thang, and then they decided that they could fuse them all and everybody won.

I really wish I could dance.