Zakhmee madlib!

Poptique brought this movie to my attention earlier in the year, and I'm so glad. It's so 70s wackadoodle masala fun. In fact, I enjoyed watching it so much that it's only fair you have some fun with it too. Let's recreate Zakhmee together, shall we? Write down your most creative, masalsariffic choices for words in the following list, then add them to the main text as you read. 
  1. family member
  2. occupation
  3. mythological figure
  4. adjective
  5. Christmas carol
  6. derogatory term
  7. event
  8. kitchen implement
  9. municipal building
  10. animal (plural)
  11. piece of household furniture
  12. English-language song often heard at sporting events
  13. common household object
  14. item often used on Diwali
  15. ancient culture
  16. mode of transportation
  17. body part
  18. another body part (plural)
  19. yet another body part (plural)
  20. set often seen in 1970s masala movies
  21. noun (plural)
  22. a different mode of transport
Got your list? Read on!

Zakhemee opens with Sunil Dutt retrieving his ___1___ from the mountains. He is late to arrive, but she has been in the capable, caring hands of Asha Parekh, her ___2___. They have, for a reason I cannot intuit, made a snowman of Santa Claus that looks a lot more like ___3___ wearing a crocheted sun hat and umbrella.
Asha joins them on their drive back to the airport but they are snowed in overnight; fortunately Sunil had packed his  ___4___ lungi, 
which I'd like to think is an integral factor in Asha's burgeoning love for him. She sings a really strange song about it, blending a fantasy lunar snowscape with a weird version of ___5___.
The little sister actually thinks Santa lives on the moon. This causes me distress for the Indian educational system. The North Pole and outer space are not the same thing.

Back in Bombay, Sunil's younger brothers Rakesh Roshan and Tariq are total ___6___. It's an interesting move to have the hero's brothers play the comic relief, most notably because it gives that arc waaaay more presence than usual, though they are also given other things to do, so it's not all bad. On the eve of Sunil and Asha's ___7___, Sunil gets a frantic phone call from his business partner, so he races to their office only to witness his partner's murder at the hands of Imtiaz (whose character's name is Tiger, which is much more fun to say, so I will use that instead). Tiger escapes after threatening to kill all of Sunil's family if Sunil tells the police anything other than that he himself committed the murder. Sunil then kneels over his friend's body and makes the classic film move of touching the ___8___ and literally getting the blood on his hands to boot. Nice of him to back up the villain's story so willingly, especially since the killer did not have gloves on when wielding he knife and he could have been cleared right away.

Sunil is locked in ___9___, Asha yells "NAHIIIIN!" when she hears the news and then drops the phone into a goldfish tank, sending the ___ 10___ tumbling helplessly to the floor. DO YOU SEE THE ANALOGY? WOW! Tiger, meanwhile imbibes in celebration while his moll, Helen, bounces gleefully on the ___11___ to a synthesizer version of ___12___.

Rakesh and Tariq decide to try to bribe to the judge on Sunil's case. They are idiots. The judge is played by Iftekhar, and it is only just and fair that we pause for a moment to reflect on why Iftekhar is always so incredibly boss in everything he does. A friend on twitter suggested it is because he so often conveys a slight sense of disdain for the foolishness of us mere mortals, and I'd have to say I agree.
See? Not amused.
When this—surprise surprise—doesn't work, their new master plan is inspired by a ___13___ they see in the living room.
Too bad they didn't use Esquire Party Book or Biggles Takes a Hand instead.
Kidnapping a judge's daughter (Reena Roy) sounds like a great idea to me. Reena is what I think can safely be called a "___14___" or "pistol"
and is completely underwhelmed by their attempt to woo her during the truly fantastic song "Nothing Is Impossible," which takes place at a disco-___15___-themed club that even features a girl band.

They eventually kidnap Reena by pretending to help fix her ___16___. Reena gets on board with the scheme when it occurs to her that being kidnapped might bring her instant fame and that the whole enterprise will be a fantastic adventure. I appreciate her can-do spirit. In a convenient outbreak of Stockholm Syndrome, Reena falls for Rakesh when he tries to...whatever the medical value is of sucking blood from a wound on her ___17___ that couldn't possibly have included any venom. 
If I had to see it, so do you.
I agree with Tariq's statement that "this girl is a bit crack" as Reena swoons. She also seems to really like it when he later gets drunk and slaps her during an argument. Ew.

Meanwhile, Sunil has managed go get out of jail and head back to Asha and his sister, helped by digusing himself during a Holi song whose subtitled lyrics hint at a festival zombie invasion,
but Tiger's and his goons are after him. The appearance of these goons deserves special note: one of them wears one of Bollywood's worst-ever attempts at blackface (which is really saying something)
and others sport sleeveless black shirts with giant cut-outs exposing their ___18___ and ___19___.
From here out, Zakhmee follow standard 70s masalsa operating procedures, with one interesting exception: there is a mole in Tiger's crew who has been helping Sunil exact revenge, and for this serious oversight in management, Tiger is made to answer to the big boss, Chief. The way this scene is set up is very cool, and I actually felt bad for Tiger, standing all alone as he meets his maker.
All the other characters play by the book and participate in the big brawl in the ___20___ in the climax.
Helen and Reena rip each other's ___21___ off but also have some proper blows, so at least it's not just a flesh show.
Reena also does some damage with her ___22___, which in my book almost makes up for the disgusting "I knew it was true love when he slapped me" nonsense earlier. All the baddies are defeated,  the reunited couples happily drive away in a huge American convertible, and a body pops out of the trunk. Really!

In the US, you can purchase a 30-day pass to Zakhmee (with subtitles!) on youtube for $.99 through Bolly N Beyond (which seems to be a Shemaroo channel). I'm not sure of its availability in other countries; Indie Quill reported that this option does not exist in India. WTF, SHEMAROO? You don't want to let people in the country from which this movie comes to have reasonable, feasible access to it? Maybe you do deserve all the piracy you suffer from.

Blog equivalent of the funny footage that runs under the end credits: a collage of my favorite outfits from this film. Helen above, was it hard to choose.


Banno said…
Zindabad, indeed. I have a DVD of 'Zakhmee' which I haven't opened yet. Time to do so. :) Loved your madlib.
Fullonline said…
you should because its a awesome movie as you can see the title of this movie also looks interesting

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