When Mini-Reviews Attack! Day 1: Pyaasi Bhootni
Truth in advertising.
I do not remember what possessed me—possibly one of the monsters you will see in the images below—to buy a 3-in-1 horror DVD. I frighten very easily, but somehow Bollywood horror, at least the B-grade and below kinds, don't scare me and instead I can focus on the always delightfully awful acting, sound design, and costumes.
Allow me to attempt to narrate the story of Pyaasi Bhootni—my first-ever Kanti Shah film, by the way (no, I haven't seen Gunda, and yes, I want to see Gunda)—which of course does not have subtitles, so we'll just play along. It is a dark and stormy night, and this girl is sitting around her mansion in some kind of boobariffic top (as one does) when she is attacked by a sort of skeleton monster in a black brocade coat. Somehow in the struggle she rips off his mask
But what's this?
She's back for revenge (or possibly some other dead woman is out for revenge on her behalf)? Awesome! She can strangle you so hard your eyes bleed?
Guy 2 has a bunch of friends who also come to the mansion, and, for reasons that are unclear to me, AGL takes them out one by one as well, though not before I get to admire their ishtyle. If you were not already smitten with this specimen of oiled-up masculinity because of his hair, I will ask you to pay special attention to his tough-guy bandana wrap on his right hand. He's also sporting overalls, if that fans your flames any.
She kills all of them, including date rapist, whose demise is accompanied by satisfying irony.
Bizarrely, I find myself wishing that this movie were as...I don't know, weird? obsessive? energetically but still very shoddily made? as, say, Shaitani Dracula, a film I am always trying to get people to watch just so they too can witness something I'm still not convinced I actually experienced. I cannot believe I want something to be more like a Harinam Singh film, but there you have it. It started off well, with two awesome monster get-ups in the first few minutes, but it was all downhill from there and is really quite dull after the first few rounds of ghostly killing. While a punching bhootni is pretty cool, and I would not be at all sad to have a miniature plastic version of her, I didn't need to see quite so many repetitions. Pyaasi Bhootni is not fun-trashy. This is not so bad it's good. It's just...bad.
If you need to see for yourself, I have every confidence it's on the internet for the taking.