Are you trying to break my heart?

Oh, Akshaye. Seriously.

What's with the corporate headwear? Are you in cahoots with Nike? I'm pretty sure this isn't the first time I've seen you at a press-heavy event wearing their stuff. That plus the belt give you the look of a high school boy trying to dress nicely for a summer wedding - you know, when he came downstairs with the hat on, his mom shrugged and said, "Oh, alright, you can wear the hat, but at least tuck in your shirt," and he did, but he grumbled and pouted about it for awhile.

I've tried to figure out where a person might wear this outfit, and I have no idea. With the slightly safari-esque lightweight shirt and flat-front trousers, we could go for a summer stroll along the pier then have a nice cool drink on the veranda, leaning in for meaningful conversation, chorii se chorii from the world in a midnight-darkened corner. I shouldn't think it's quite right for a music launch, but I've never been to one, so what do I know?

And since I'm not as good at this as the Go Fug Yourself people, I'll get to the point and admit that what truly saddens me is your blurry expression, sort of smugly vacant but also sad and confused. Are you drunk? Worn out from the glamorous life? Weary from being up all night, glued to the phone, waiting for me to call? Whatever it is, you're clearly ready to bolt, one hand at the door handle and one hidden away.

I'm going to hope that's a pen, not a cigarette, and thus ignore it until I have more information, although with more scrutiny it does appear that you have a packet of cigarettes in your right front pocket. Please don't smoke. You know it's really bad for you, right?

Aside to any readers who think talking about celebrities is silly: you're quite right, it is, especially when I'm just making stuff up. But I enjoy it. And my fake-pretend Bollywood boyfriend needs to know how I feel.

Update to post (April 11, 2006): I'm sorry. Apparently it is actually difficult to be Akshaye Khanna, according to this Hindustan Times interview. Akshaye, for real, if work is the only thing that makes you happy, that's a problem. So c'mon, let's put my theory on that outfit to the test. My dil goes mmmm....


Anonymous said…
So did he get a hair transplant, or was he just wearing a wig in that awful photo from Shaadi Se Pehle? (I can't find it at the moment, but I'm sure you know which photo I'm talking about, since you posted it on your blog.)
Well, only his hairdresser knows for sure, but since she funnels all his secrets back to me, I can definitively tell you that it was a wig. And if you look at the photo in the Hindustan Times nterview, you will be impressed by his deliciousness, if not a bit blinded by the highlights.
illusory motion said…
Sorry to dissappoint you Beth, but that weary look is to be attributed to a hangover...a perpetual hangover...the man seems to have a lot of sorrows that can only be drowned in vats of the good stuff.
I hear flat beer is good for the hair. Maybe he should consider putting some on his head while he's at it. Might work as a wonderful hair growth tonic.
I love having a gal on the street in Mumbai! I suspected as much. I mean, he drunk dials me all the time. And it's getting kind of old. Not to mention expensive. Not everyone has a movie star's budget for cell phone bills.

Seriously, he does look hung over.

I've heard that about beer too. You ever tried it? I'm curious. But it stinks too much.
illusory motion said…
Never tried beer. Have tried sour yogurt though. It stinks but makes hair shiny and soft. :)
Keith said…
I think he could liven up his ensemble with the shirt from Ishq Vishk.

And that is definitely the "I'm hung over, please don't use a flash" look, but that's no excuse form stumbling in dressed in his casual Friday outfit.
Keith - that is...disturbing...yet appealing...I'm confused! Akshaye in pleather-type stuff: good. Akshaye flinging out his arms and singing: very, very good. But Akshaye in strappy, holey pleather: bad. And thank you for your support on the outfit. It is definitely not the caliber we've grown accustomed to.
Keith said…
At least the pants aren't pleated, and he doesn't have a cell phone and BlackBerry clipped to his belt.
I was quite pleased by the flat front. And as you suggest, I'll take this outfit over the Office Space look any day. I've been thinking about that today, with our freak heat wave sending some of the university staff out in their short sleeve dress shirts with ties. Which Akshaye has also been seen to sport.

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