Sassy Gay Friend has a word with Rita from Jab Jab Phool Khile

(If you have no idea what I'm talking about, see the real Sassy Gay Friend on the Second City Network !) Meet Rita from 1965's golden jubilee* blockbuster Jab Jab Phool Khile . She is about to run off with a man who shares none of her values and with whom she has neither mutual culture nor life experiences in common. However, he looks like Shashi Kapoor, which must be admitted as a mitigating and/or complicating factor. This fate could have been avoided if she'd had a Sassy Gay Friend. Bombay Central Station. Rita is wearing a red evening gown and diamonds and running wildly down the platform towards a train bound for Kashmir. Her face is a wreck from crying. Sassy Gay Friend, sitting on a bench and hiding behind a Life Magazine, hears her cries and looks up. RITA (looking frantic) Raaaaaajaaaaaaa! Raaaaaajaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! SASSY GAY FRIEND Puts sunglasses on top of head, springs up off the bench, and strides deliberately towards Rita