Beth Loves Bollywood

"The masala epic known as Secret Santa takes a strange turn in the last reel, which seems to have no relationship to the story so far...."





For those of you who have not met me in person, this is exactly what life at my house is like. C'mon over!

"Speaking of cluttering up your house: One,Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven,Eight, Nine, and
Ten totally random Shah Rukhs.... And a [very seasonal] extra.

(Thanks to Babasko for this charming Alpine image.)

Filmi Santa brought me a surprise from the most glorious royal palace of Pitustan!

For those of you who don't have time to squint and read the text, it goes, fabulously, like this:
"Allow yourself to melt into Eau de Shashi. A fragrance rendolent of musk, heaving bosoms, and sultry nights.... A fragrance forbidden to all but the most desirable of women. Bring Eau de Shashi into your boudoir tonight...if you dare."

OH I DARE.

[How perfect is this?!?!?! - Ed.]

Santa's Research Assistant finally got around to looking up the "Twelve Days of Christmas" poem on the Internet. Imagine everyone's surprise to discover that the actual text for today reads "Nine Ladies Dancing." That should be doable.

Nine Ladies Dancing will sort of clutter up your house, but that seems to be the whole point of the song, so at least it's seasonal!
Helen and Cuckoo (two-for-one)Hema MaliniJayshree T. (that lady in the spangly top who gets up from her table to boogie at 4:16 is me in another life, I think)
Kareena KapoorMadhuri DixitPadminiVyjayanthimalaWaheeda Rehman

Obscure-ish Bollywood reference needs are in the air! First Memsaab's plea for help IDing side and character actors; now a look at Samrat Sharma's hilarious and useful Top 5 "That Guy"s in Bollywood. I hope Sharat Saxena is pleased with his new title - I know I am!

"On the seventh day...the elves rested. That's how the song goes, isn't It? Or are they mixing that up with something else? Either way, the elves do need their rest: they were up late at Pran's house, drinking Johnny Walker Black and trying on his wigs. So they decided to just be silly today."

Bollywood High School Musical
and
Goodness Gracious Me Christmas

....And on the eighth day, "Something turned up under the tree from Eight Days. There's no sign of the movie, alas, so there are no pictures of the studly young Ashok Kumar. But a little bit of bittersweet inevitably creeps into every holiday season."

"Ummeed Bhara Panchi" from the movie Aaath Din

If you want a thoroughly thought-out piece on Feroz Khan's indulgence-oozing-from-every-pore 1986 Janbaaz, I suggest you read Post-Punk Cinema Club's review that discusses it through a complex lens of modern Dionysian debauchery. Me, I hardly made it through the film. It's just so gross: blood, death, flame throwers, clunky innuendos,

threatened gang rape,

addiction, sense-scarring 80s club-rock numbers that fetishize both white and black people, complete sanctioning of "boys will be boys" to a murderous extent, and women who are killed off after having sex outside of marriage (men too, actually). Even the neglected good-brother police officer (Feroz Khan) seems to get a kick out of arresting his vile little brother (Anil Kapoor), maybe cloaking his vengeful thrill under the guise of "duty." Dimple Kapadia telling Anil he turns her into a woman and Rekha's Ferederick's of Hollywood number

(and it should be noted Feroz-bhai is nearly equal oppor…

And a very welcome one during a lousy week, too!

and a reminder of how much I love "Genda Phool."

My Santa has superb math skills! Do aur Do is paanch, after all.... Shashi after too much of the Christmas spirit and a freaky song (and one that will make no sense at all if you haven't seen the film, but don't let that stop you)!

Doctor Who clips set to Bollywood music and dialogue, that's who! WOW!
Don"Bachna Ae Haseeno" "Main Yahaan Hoon"and my favorite, "Kiss of Love"
My Santa totally has my number.

Snowy, smiley Shashi and Sharmila, still on skates despite the ice! What could be more merry and bright? (And this clip even helpfully cuts off before the perilous descent into logic-defying "I'll save you by raping you" part that makes my brain fall out.)

but "three brothers of varying religious persuasions and degrees of dishiness."

Masala stamp stamp stamp of approval!
Santa, I'm thinking of you as Vinod's one-man band - you're so resourceful!

And as my Santa says, it is the quality of the leaper, not the number, that matters.

I should note that yesterday's gift came with the assessment that Shashi is so fine, he doesn't need any pear trees.

My Santa is off with a bang!

Look how cute!


Like chocolate and peanut butter, 70s Bollywood and Some Like It Hot turn out to be two great tastes that taste great together. Rafoo Chakkar is a dead ringer for the American original, but it's so successful at being a great film that I sometimes forgot it was a copy. Nothing is lost in translation, and the changes all make sense, even the addition of long-lost family members and a pairing of evil-and-not-so-evil brotherly friends (what, you didn't expect those?)! There are even a few riffs on details I didn't think they'd bother to include - like Tony Curtis's millionaire routine claiming his family's oil business was named after their favorite seaside souvenir, here translated to Rishi Kapoor saying his company is named Esso as a shortened form of part of his name, Eknath Sada Shiv Omkar. Rafoo Chakkar also makes no bones about being a copy. After his first stage number, new band member Devi (Rishi in drag) bumps into Narendra Nath, playing h…